It's been two months.
Stil struggling with the same feelings.
Still holding my phone, contemplating about calling.
Still hoping to forget your phone number with no luck.
Every night before I fall asleep,
I imagined myself calling you,
and imagined you not picking up.
I know what's keeping me from calling you.
It's the thought that you probably wouldn't pick up.
Because I know,
you can deal with this far better than I can.
Because I know,
your heart is stronger than mine.
It would hurt so much more,
if I called and you wouldn't pick up.
Four years,
without knowing, you've become the most important person in my life.
Truthfully, I've regretted the fact that you've occupied such a large part of my life.
I honestly never meant to become so reliant on you.
I should've held back, even just a little bit.
Even a little bit, would make this pain just a little less.
Unlike before, I've never waited for your call this time around.
Not only because I've asked you not to contact me,
but also because I was never that important to you.
You know what I've been thinking about all the time?
If I ever got into an accident,
before my death,
your number is the one I want to dial.
your voice is the last thing I want to hear.
It's almost as if,
I want to use the accident as an excuse to talk to you.
That's how pathetic I am.
I'm glad you never have to know this...
How much longer can I endure this...
I'm on the brink of breaking down...
