I can't control myself.

I wonder why is it that I've been hurting like this.

It feels like there's something in my chest, hurting every time I breathe.

Everyday I think about calling you and asking you to come back to me.

But I know we won't work. You've already made your choice, and it's not me.

A part of me doesn't want to care even if I can't have all of you.

All it cared about was us being together, forever.

All it cared about was hearing your voice every night before I fall asleep.

All it cared about was being in your arms...

Why did God let us meet if we weren't supposed to be together?

We've tried so hard... we've kept it together for so long...

Why couldn't God see that?

Why couldn't he help us?

So much wondering.. so many why's.. so much pain and confusion..

when would this all stop for me?

when could I stop missing you?

when could I start enjoying life again?

when can I get used to living without you in my life?

when can I stop numbing myself......?

I hate myself right now.

I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm ignorant, I'm gullible. 

all I do is waste time, and let more time go by.

I hate all of this.

I hate seeing clothes on the ground. 

I hate these dishes on my desk. 

I hate the stains on my table.

I hate my unpainted nails.

I just can't bring myself to care.

I can't help feeling tired all the time.

I can't help just wanting to occupy my mind with useless things...

I just want to sleep.. for a long time.. 

not having to wake up to reality..

not having to feel pain..

not having to miss you...

i hate you...